Fall down seven times, stand up eight

After almost 8 months on the quiet I've decided to come back and come back stronger than ever.

It's been a tough and confusing time. Following my one year 'anniversary' of diagnosis, I came to realise the severity of MS and the impact it was having on my life.

The first year was like the 'honeymoon period' where I saw my future through rose tinted glasses. I was running on positive energy, powering through convinced that MS was an opportunity rather than a hindrance.

Shortly after the official one year mark I went on a trip to Germany as an MS Ambassador representing the UK - awesome right? In a way it back fired - it was the first time I would spend any amount of time with not just one other person with MS, but 15 other people with different variations of MS. Each person had very different story to tell and as I stood up to tell 'my story' to a room full of people I'd just met, cameras and American pharmaceutical company members with mark sheets.. it dawned on me that I have a life changing, incurable, debilitating condition.

For some reason this didn't hit me until I returned to the UK and couldn't face contacting anyone or anything to do with MS.

However rude, unappreciative or disrespectful I may have come across, I just simply couldn't not face associating myself with MS any longer. I stopped speaking to anyone I knew with MS, any companies and charities I had worked with, and sadly I pulled out of the UKBFF Fitness Competition. Epic fail.

I sincerely apologise to anyone I may have insulted over this time period but it has taken me this duration to come to terms with the reality of MS, much like the transition from 'honeymoon period' to establishing the reality of a relationship with a person.

Over the past 8 months I have experienced 4 severe relapses. Two at the beginning of the summer left me partially sighted in my left eye and unable to walk due to losing the feeling in my legs. This was temporarily 'fixed' by my second insanely high dose of steroids which quite frankly, floored me (Steroid post to come shortly). Only six weeks later I lost the sight in my right eye, I lost the feeling in my torso and promptly lost the feeling in both my hands. This is yet to come back but having been offered an infusion of steroids which I rejected, I expect this relapse will take longer to subside.

As each relapse comes on I find I can face each one with a practical mind rather than an emotional one and fortunately, despite all the symptoms, I have been able to maintain going to work as usual and I even managed to organise two events this month AND attend two back tie events in one weekend! :) Happy Paula

It's been advised that I begin second line treatment; so I'm looking to begin either monthly infusions or a daily pill which should reduce relapses by between 50 and 80%. Not Bad!

I think that's enough updating for one post but i'll be back shortly to talk about the possible treatments I might begin, My experience on steroids and of course a general update of the ever so exciting life of 'Paula doing MS her way' :)

P xx

Destination Unknown

What a week! 

I've been recovering from a trip to GERMANY I took as an MS Patient Ambassador for the UK. 

Essentially I was there to tell my story..to share my experience of MS and to inspire others. But I left with so much more… It was a truly humbling experience meeting and spending time with so many others experiencing the same condition but in various different ways. Hearing their stories and life time journeys with their 'companion' - MS, was just incredible and made me realise how individual each MS case is. 

TRAVELLING AND MS

London to Germany: Now I don't know about you but I get incredibly fatigued if I don't pace myself and prioritise what to accomplish in one day. For me, the GYM comes first… then I see how the rest of the day goes. But throw travelling into the mix and before you know it i'm fast asleep on the airport floor… 

I was super excited to visit another city as I LOVE seeing and experiencing new places but you just don't know how it's going to affect you as the day goes by. So it's really important to PREPARE PREPARE PREPARE. Don't be put off travelling, just learn to adapt where necessary. 

Of course I had to stay in competition mode so I packed a snack box of strawberries and with my travel pillow in tow I headed for the delights of duty free! Then I discovered that Pret do a GREAT selection of Protein Pots sooooo… meal No2 occurred!! #Yummy…

Kissed the 'boyf' goodbye and off I went… On a journey with the purpose to inspire. 

Now travelling with medication isn't exactly easy… you've somehow got to get through airport security with the injection device, oversized ice packs, box of needles, passport certificate and of course…the carry case, which cries out: 'you're on a school trip.'

I actually managed to survive the week however keeping track of my diet was pretty difficult. I was the one at the Breakfast, Lunch and Dinner table who said 'one moment please, let me just get out my scales…' Yes I weighed ALL my food at every meal and yes everyone looked at me like I was crazy…  which I am. 

On the last night we were taken for a gorgeous meal at a local German restaurant.. I wasn't about to take my scales into the restaurant to I made my choice off the set menu…. Salmon, Pork or Steak… hmmm… Now being a Latina Chica it HAD to be the 300g STEAK (added bonus…I knew the weight!) Little did I know this would come surrounded with seasoned potatoes smothered in butter and sautéed to perfection… I ate the lot! I ATE IT ALLLLLLLLL :) yes, yes I did. And then I ate the coconut macaroons for desert. 

My coach when I got home and told him… 

Over all the experience was a FABULOUS one but…

1. Never again will I travel whilst on competition prep. Will not do it. Ever.

2. Being so unbelievably busy each day on top of travelling to and from the UK, made my fatigue terrible in the evenings and I could barely function at the dinner table. Even though I was the baby in bed each day at 9.30pm. It goes to show how important it is to stick to the routine that works for you!

Boy was my tummy glad to be home…

Until next time Germany

P x 

UKBFF Competition - 11th May 2014

ANNOUNCEMENT: Ok here goes… I'm going to enter a fitness competition! 

In exactly 17 weeks from today I will be standing on a stage somewhere in Hayes in an overly glitzy bikini showing off my (hopefully) 125lb ripped physique! or so we hope… :S 

See below? That's what I'm aiming for with the help of my new found prep coach Chris, who is a BNBF Middleweight Champion himself, as well as my PT Antony from Forward Fitness who knows my body and my condition so well that he can assist in tailoring any programme to my requirements. 

I'll be doing this with one other girl, Lucie who I actually went to school with when I was 11! She has already competed in the Miami Pro competition last year so It will be great to have someone with some competition experience :) 

I will be battling my MS along the way but having had the fist meeting with my dream team, Chris and Antony, MS is the least of my worries… hunger, anxiety battles and hitting hard weights 4 times a week is going to be the real battle! I will document on here as we go but I'm also hoping there will be an actual DOCUMENTARY on its way "to a TV screen near you… " Fingers crossed it gets commissioned and I can share this amazing MS journey with everyone and hopefully inspire a few people along the way! 

Wish me luck! 

P x

One Year Ago Today...

Happy Anniversary to me…

Exactly one year ago today I was diagnosed with Relapsing Remitting Multiple Sclerosis


Looking back over the past year MY MS has consisted of:

- Debilitating loss of feeling in my limbs
- Loss of eye sight 
- Fatigue 
- Vertigo
- Chronic pain in my lower limbs
- Anxiety and Depression
- Medication side effects - flu like symptoms 3 times weekly

To quote my first post, I was "Unable to feel my legs or arms and barely able to lift my self up, Pins and Needles crept up my body day by day until I was unable to open my hands or even hold a glass" 

I remember the day I tried to walk into my living room and just collapsed on the sofa. that was it…my body had shut down.

One year has passed and in this time I have successfully completed some amazing things which stretch far beyond new years resolutions. 

1. I introduced a daily exercise routine which taught me to walk again unaided, regain the feeling in my arms which enabled me to cut food for myself, hold a glass of water and brush my own teeth. 

2. I re-evaluated my nutrition and am now on an MS friendly diet which is strictly gluten and dairy free and its working wonders!!

3. Together with my friend Rhiannon we raised a record breaking £5,000 for the MS Society

4. As I had built up enough strength we then ventured over to New York for a week to visit the MS Society HQ State Side and found out we had raised the most money through an individual fundraiser over there too! 

5. I lost the feeling in my arms for a second time and then proceeded to lose the sight in my right eye. It took 2 weeks of treatments and high dose steroids to bring it back. 

6. In September I was invited to the House of Commons to be recognised for my efforts in raising awareness and Money for MS. 

7. Just before Christmas I lost the feeling in my leg AGAIN but worked hard in the gym along with physio to regain the feeling and power and ability to walk normally. 

8. The gym routine turned into a major hobby and I am now working towards a fitness competition on May 11th 2014 - UKBFF Bikini Category !!!! HUGE Challenge but what a way to start this next year of my life. For I do not know what tomorrow will bring, but i do know that today will consist of hard work prepping for a competition I will make damn sure I am in good physical and mental health to compete. Not just for competition sake, but to win… I am going into this to place. 

Introducing fitness and nutritional awareness to my life has to be the most influential change i've made in my life. From good health to romance I can honestly say I am a MUCH happier person this year than I was this day last year pre-MS diagnosis. 

"True failure lies in not facing up to the challenge"

P x

1st January 2014

Welcome to 2014… I hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas and New Year :)

I'm starting mine here… in Doha, Qatar (I've come full circle as I began last year in Dubai!)

This christmas really was a special one and the highlight had to be the his and hers bracelet gifts!

#DIAMONDS really are a girl's best friend…

NEW YEAR 2014!

Much like every New Year, I've set myself some NY resolutions. However unlike every New Year, I am going to tackle these with a much more sensible approach… like building a brick wall, I will lay one brick at a time until I have my wall built high for all to see on 31st December 2014.

It's a simple but interesting approach as Will Smith explains below…

You may think I sound crazy..and at times even I think I am! But i'm approaching this year differently…i'm embracing the change in my life and am adapting to suit.

Almost 1 year ago I was handed with what felt like a life sentence disease. My life and everything I knew changed in an instance. 

I've come to realise that isn't the case at all and I have merely been faced with an obstacle. 

My resolutions this year are more important than ever. They aren't superficial (ok maybe one of them is) but they each serve a purpose and on the whole my focus this year has completely changed.

 My appreciation for life and the importance of living life has grown and with this so has my desire to achieve something great. Whether thats for myself, my family or for the world to see… I am going to achieve something great this year. 

So here we are, my resolutions/ goals for 2014:

1. Overcome my anxiety and weight complexes to compete in the UKBFF Competition, Bikini category. Prove to myself I can do this and inspire others with MS to rid the idea of limitations. 

2. Complete the Wedding Planning, Styling and Design course I am currently studying :)  and follow my dream of having a one stop destination wedding boutique. 

3. Stop spending so much money on clothes and accessories and put it towards New York Round 2 in 2015 instead. Although i've already been, I still dream of standing on top of the Rockefeller again and looking over at the breath taking view of Manhattan & Central Park… 

See you on the other side? only 364 days to go..

…and remember, whatever you LOVE to do… just go do it…

Find what you LOVE; your passion & desire will shine through and success will come.

Happy New Year everyone… Let 2014 be YOUR year 

P x 

Nelson Mandela and My Grandad

NELSON MANDELA

1918 - 2013

Last night a great man passed away. His soul lives on and the spirit and inspiration he left behind will go on to change lives forever. His walk of life is like no other. His attitude, determination and courage was faultless. I often look to Mandela for motivation. He has a calm about him which radiates knowledge, trust and wisdom. If you haven't already you must read his book 'Long Walk To Freedom' - Unbelievable life story. 

Mandela may not be your inspiration, he just so happens to be one of mine. One of a few people I take great interest in and look up to. But maybe Mandela isn't that to you….in which case, 

Who is your Nelson Mandela?

My Grandad is my biggest motivation. Above Mandela, Ali and Schwarzenegger, it's got to be my Grandad - Donald Joseph Knight. 

DONALD JOSEPH KNIGHT 

1934 - 2012

It just so happens that today is my Grandad's birthday too… Happy Birthday Grandad :) 

Now if he were here today I'm sure he'd have a story to tell me about Nelson Mandela, a first hand memory of a news report or a radio announcement. And boy would I do anything to hear it. 

Having Grandad as MY Nelson Mandela, as my motivation, my driving force and my guide gives me strength on a daily basis I didn't know I had. 

My message here is this: Your inspiration does't have to come from a public figure, a celebrity or a successful athlete. Your driving force might just be sitting around your dinner table, in the room next door or in my case, growing into a beautiful tree watching over a lake. 

So, Rest in Peace Nelson Mandela. 

But Grandad, today is your day… and always will be. 

Lots of love, your 'vision of loveliness' - Paula x

You've got the light to fight the shadows

I always try to talk positively, sticking to my motto;

"MS is my opportunity to be legendary" 

And that's great... except sometimes there are just those days where it all becomes a bit too real.

You realise what the future may hold
You ask yourself question after question
You feel like people STILL don't fully understand and perhaps above all you're just frustrated with the day in day out battle with such a powerful condition.

It's tiring and sometimes you have to let yourself let go and take a moment, half a day, or even a day or two, to simply let yourself readjust. THATS OK! You shouldn't let it build up or you'll find yourself releasing that frustration and anger on to others and in ways you don't want to.

TIPS on managing those low moments:

• Remember why you are fighting - Yes you will have low days, but remember why you fight so hard every other day of the week, month, year. You're fighting for your health and for your future. 
• Be inspired. Find someone or something who inspires you, who's words or actions can motivate you through tough times. Sometimes all it takes is a few words to completely change your outlook on the day ahead. I find motivational Twitter accounts helpful as they are so easily accessible. I also find the words of Muhammad Ali incredibly powerful. 
• Don't bite your tongue. Try talking to others with MS who you know you can turn to should you need that level of empathy you perhaps don't get else where 
• Talk to your friends/ family and let them know that you're having a bad day or a moment where you need to get something off your chest... you'll probably find they have a lot more to say than you ever imagined. 
• Take moments to yourself. I don't suggest you literally talk to yourself but reconnecting with yourself and finding that balance again will really kelp you regain clarity. I find an outdoors jog or an early morning gym session with headphones in really helps. Even immersing yourself in something you love such as a hobby, cooking, reading... whatever allows your mind to switch off. 

Do not be fearful... instead, be courageous and think of all the ways in which you can overcome MS and all it's baggage.

I try to keep myself busy every day with various things to keep my mind off the worry. I'm constantly reading about the condition and looking to learn more about it because one day I WILL take it down. 

KNOWLEDGE IS POWER

"YOU'VE GOT THE LIGHT TO FIGHT THE SHADOWS"

"WE'RE A LITTLE DIFFERENT, THERE'S NO NEED TO BE ASHAMED"

P x

COMING SOON...

Coming up next in the life of DOING MS MY WAY....

It's COMPETITION TIME - Follow me as I start the ball rolling working towards the MIAMI PRO fitness competition 

MOTIVATION INSPIRATION GYMSPIRATION - everyone needs them once in a while

DIET OVERHAUL - NEW  discoveries I've made about certain foods and how they affect your body AND your MS

MS and life at WORK, how to adjust, how to ease yourself back in AND how to ensure your workplace understands you too

P x

Raising Awareness

As you know I try to do all I can to raise awareness of MS, Life with MS and MS in young people.

Over the past two weeks i've been fortunate enough to be part of some amazing projects and experiences allowing me to spread the positivity and MS love... not literally.. I make it sound contagious!

The first was the opportunity to film with a production company who, like me, are also trying to raise awareness and break down the barriers between MSers and the general public, doctors and even neurologists.

We had SUCH an amazing day filming at my house and then went on to David Lloyd to film part of a training session with my PT - Antony.

Not gonna lie, I felt like a bit of a celeb... a celeb with MS, a celeb with MS and a Nemo arm, a celeb with MS, a Nemo arm and injection bruises...

ok so NOT so much of a celeb but STILL..I had a fab day and the crew and staff at DL were just lovely.

Apparently, it's going to be shown at a neurology conference in October and will also be used by an american production company...

Only a matter of time before I make my big move STATE SIDE in an attempt to crack America!

(getting slightly ahead of myself?... yah) WATCH THIS SPACE

The next exciting thing to happen in the life of Paula was this.... 

An invitation to THE HOUSE OF COMMONS
By Mr Mike Freer himself (Local MP for Finchley and Golders Green)

Excited much? Apparently he had seen my article in the Times about the MS Cake Break and fundraiser I hosted with Rhiannon back in April...

*cough* RAISING A RECORD BREAKING AMOUNT *cough*

which you can read if you click.... here :)

SO...dressed in our snazziest outfits Rhi and I made our way down to the House of Commons. After what seemed like an HOUR trying to figure out how to get into the place we made it!
IT.WAS.AMAZING

(please excuse my tired appearance, I was momentarily taking a break from helping my friend give birth as of 7am.... obvs NOTHING was going to stop me making this appointment at the HOC! )

Mr Freer treated us to a tea and scone in a room looking over the Thames with some stunning views! He then gave us a tour of the building which felt more like a palace from the inside!!

On a serious note though it was SO encouraging to have our fundraising efforts recognised. I will never ever stop raising awareness and hosting fundraisers so to have the backing and recognition from such influential people really makes such a difference and is yet another motivational boost.

And there it it.... my day at the House of Commons in pictures.

until next time, P xx

A little inspiration from Hannah Barrett - X Factor

"We're all wonderful, wonderful people
So when did we all get so fearful?
And now we're finally finding our voices
Just take a chance, come help me sing this
I wanna sing, I wanna shout
I wanna scream 'til the words dry out
So put it in all of the papers,
I'm not afraid
They can read all about it"

We all love a bit of an X Factor sob story..but when I watched Hannah Barrett's audition, I was so encouraged by her attitude. Its empowering. She carries a sense of vulnerability around with her but has taught herself to be strong. It's clear to see that she has been faced with difficult situations, like many, but it's the attitude me must adopt to deal with those situations which keep us above water, keeps us fighting. 

We have to make ourselves be heard...so with every post I upload and with every bit of filming or meeting I attend...It will all go towards raising awareness of MS and teaching people to understand the condition as well as helping those who have it, live with it.