'The only thing we have to fear is fear itself'

Truth is, I'm scared. 

I'm going in to hospital on Thursday to start a new treatment (Fingolimod) which will require me to have my heart monitored for the day due to the effect is has on the resting heart rate. Doesn't sound like a big deal really but I've been taking injections three times a week for over a year now with little effect on my condition. I've been off any form of medication for one week now and come Thursday, it will be two.

Two weeks without my 'protection'. (Not that it was working anyway !!)

I'm scared though. Scared of starting a new drug which will in it's own way, take control of my body. With a history of heart problems in my family I can't say I haven't thought of all the possible outcomes, including the not so great ones. To add to the complications, I must remember to take this pill (on top of all the rest) at the exact same time every day and if i forget it even just for one day... I'm right back in hospital on that heart rate monitor.

Fingers crossed that this one will do the job and give me a little breathing space between the relapses!

This year has been relapse after relapse. Loss of sight, loss of feeling in every part of my body including my mouth (which still hasn't recovered yet!).

Whats next? MS is delightfully unpredictable. Each relapse brings news symptoms, new experiences and new challenges. This is one aspect of the illness I try to embrace.

Embrace the uncertainty. Take on the challenge and educate yourself. To anybody newly diagnosed I would say to give this a go as it's helped me manage my MS massively.

I get upset and scared, of course I do; but by not getting upset about the unknown, I eliminate about 90% of the crying!

I was reminded today of  a great book I read called 'A Million Little Pieces' by James Fray. Truth or not, I loved it. I engaged with it and I have a part of it tattooed on my ribs. This won't work for everyone but reading and re-reading a book with words to encourage me and remind me to 'Hold On' really help when you're going through a moment of fearing the unknown. A simple phrase keeps me focused and reminds me that giving up is simply not an option.

I will 'Hold On' and I will Beat MS.

P x