One wonderful side effect of MS medication, or life really, is anxiety and depression.
I'm not saying I'm depressed but side effects mean side effects. It doesn't mean I feel like this all of the time or even some of the time. It means that three times a week, when I've done my injection, the following 24 hours are a slow beating journey through the delightful side effects.
First it's the site reaction.. the action of injecting myself with a needle containing maximum dose of 44mg of drugs into my muscle.. Of course I have to rotate the injection site or bruising builds up and my limbs become too sensitive to touch. Something people don't know when they hug me, squeeze my leg for a joke or nudge me in jest.
Four or five hours later come the headaches, the flu like symptoms.. shivers, aches and fuzzy mind.
Just as that begins to wear off, the dazed and confused mind set takes control. Sporadic tears and questioning of MS and all that it entails.
Of course it's hard for people to understand and those close to me, I presume, put it down to mood swings. Efforts to cheer me up just frustrate me and my fuzzy mind slowly becomes more of a headache, more confused and the sporadic tears well up once more.
All responsibility in life takes a back seat and I find myself ticking over one day at a time enjoying life but not really achieving very much.
Small tasks suddenly become a huge deal and I find myself staring blankly at my coursework moving at snail pace. Lack of concentration has not helped me to complete the course I'm working on and here I am over a year down the line and i'm 6 units in to a course of 30. I have 10 months to complete 24 units.
Small tasks suddenly become a huge deal and I find myself staring blankly at my coursework moving at snail pace. Lack of concentration has not helped me to complete the course I'm working on and here I am over a year down the line and i'm 6 units in to a course of 30. I have 10 months to complete 24 units.
I can't even call this a dark mindset because it's a temporary journey going through the motions of the effects of injecting strong drugs in to my system three times a week.
Not long before I get over the side effects it's time to inject myself once more.
72 hours each week are spent going through the motions. It's tiring.
In 14 days I will stop injecting myself with this medication and will be starting a new drug in tablet form. This new drug has half the listed side effects of my current one and thankfully none of them are flu like symptoms, depression or anxiety.
In all honesty, I can't wait to start taking it. By eliminating this fuzzy mind side effect from my weekly routine I hope to regain focus and continue in my quest to beat Multiple Sclerosis whilst achieving great things at the same time. And perhaps by regaining the chemical balance in my brain, I will be able to focus on completing the course right on time.
P x
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