After almost 8 months on the quiet I've decided to come back and come back stronger than ever.
It's been a tough and confusing time. Following my one year 'anniversary' of diagnosis, I came to realise the severity of MS and the impact it was having on my life.
The first year was like the 'honeymoon period' where I saw my future through rose tinted glasses. I was running on positive energy, powering through convinced that MS was an opportunity rather than a hindrance.
Shortly after the official one year mark I went on a trip to Germany as an MS Ambassador representing the UK - awesome right? In a way it back fired - it was the first time I would spend any amount of time with not just one other person with MS, but 15 other people with different variations of MS. Each person had very different story to tell and as I stood up to tell 'my story' to a room full of people I'd just met, cameras and American pharmaceutical company members with mark sheets.. it dawned on me that I have a life changing, incurable, debilitating condition.
For some reason this didn't hit me until I returned to the UK and couldn't face contacting anyone or anything to do with MS.
However rude, unappreciative or disrespectful I may have come across, I just simply couldn't not face associating myself with MS any longer. I stopped speaking to anyone I knew with MS, any companies and charities I had worked with, and sadly I pulled out of the UKBFF Fitness Competition. Epic fail.
I sincerely apologise to anyone I may have insulted over this time period but it has taken me this duration to come to terms with the reality of MS, much like the transition from 'honeymoon period' to establishing the reality of a relationship with a person.
Over the past 8 months I have experienced 4 severe relapses. Two at the beginning of the summer left me partially sighted in my left eye and unable to walk due to losing the feeling in my legs. This was temporarily 'fixed' by my second insanely high dose of steroids which quite frankly, floored me (Steroid post to come shortly). Only six weeks later I lost the sight in my right eye, I lost the feeling in my torso and promptly lost the feeling in both my hands. This is yet to come back but having been offered an infusion of steroids which I rejected, I expect this relapse will take longer to subside.
As each relapse comes on I find I can face each one with a practical mind rather than an emotional one and fortunately, despite all the symptoms, I have been able to maintain going to work as usual and I even managed to organise two events this month AND attend two back tie events in one weekend! :) Happy Paula
It's been advised that I begin second line treatment; so I'm looking to begin either monthly infusions or a daily pill which should reduce relapses by between 50 and 80%. Not Bad!
I think that's enough updating for one post but i'll be back shortly to talk about the possible treatments I might begin, My experience on steroids and of course a general update of the ever so exciting life of 'Paula doing MS her way' :)
P xx
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