I began the year 2013 flying back from Dubai, having had the most beautiful and relaxing Christmas with my family. A trip we had treated ourselves to to escape our first christmas without Grandad. He would always host Christmas and it just didn't feel right to have the turkey meal without him there. so off to sunny Dubai instead!
Sitting looking out on this view from my hotel room is where I wrote out my New Years resolutions... (the ones you hope to stick to for at least a month before giving in! Im only 22 I mean, come on why would I give anything up a my age!! )
1. Be Punctual! (i'm late for everything)
2. Go to the gym at least 3 times a week (make use of that expensive membership I've been paying for for god knows how long)
3. Lose weight through a healthy diet..basically give up chocolate.
4. (more of a goal than a resolution) ...GO TO NEW YORK!
Little did I know that in less than a weeks time I would be forced to follow some of those resolutions as they would be the vital key to living a longer, healthier life..
Unable to feel my legs or arms and barely able to lift my self up, Pins and Needles crept up my body day by day until I was unable to open my hands or even hold a glass. Within a matter of days I was in hospital having MRI scans and tests left right and centre and then the dreaded....Lumber Puncture.
The idea of it terrified me so much my anxiety took over and there was no way i would go through with it. Fortunately the MRI scan showed up enough lesions in my brain to determine a diagnosis...MS.
I froze as the doctor told me...anxiety took over again and there I was straight back in to the panic attack, hyperventilating, wailing like a baby..essentially making myself look like a complete idiot on the hospital ward.
As soon as I had calmed down I was bombarded with doctors and nurse and specialists saying they would all be there to support me and guide me through the illness. Honestly, my reaction was more like 'what are you talking about? why do i need a specialist? ill be fine soon and this will all be over.' I sort of shook everyones hands and said thanks and listened but didn't take anything in.
It's taken me 3 weeks to come to terms with it all and stop being in denial..which brings me to writing this blog. I have had messages from people through twitter saying how inspired they are by how active I am and my positivity so I thought it was time to share! Whether or not this will help other young people like myself i don't know, but i know it will help me as i'm determined to do MS my way.
PS xx
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